#15  Describe the most recent moment when you couldn’t think of anything to say.  Were you having a hard time making conversation, or were you simply dumbfounded?

A few weeks ago I was at a graduation party and conversation turned to a person that was very unhappy.  We were talking about the source of this person’s unhappiness and it was revealed that the person felt like a lot of the unhappiness came from me.  I kind of pride myself on being a very nice person so it was like a punch in the gut to hear that.  It was difficult to imagine that I would have that much power in this powerful person’s life to make them so unhappy.  I defended myself and gave the laundry list of reasons why I was not the mean one and how I was just trying to do the right thing.  Discussion turned to more happy topics but my mind was stuck.  All I could think about was how this person was going to spend the rest of their life thinking I was a jerk.  I kept running through the different situations in my head and was trying to figure out what I could have done differently.  Then my friend snapped me out of it and said, “Stop thinking about it.”

I did snap out of it  and was able to calm my nerves with a piece of cake,  but weeks later I still can’t stop thinking about it.

#16  What could have happened to you in high school that would have altered the course of your life?

I would like to look at this question in a two-fold way.  Internally and externally.  There things that are beyond our control and there are things that we have power over.

First external.  
Don’t get me wrong.  I loved Paul Wellstone.  He was an amazing politician and human being. He did Minnesota proud.  BUT, when he was running for the Senate in 1990, his son decided to go to school in the Twin Cities.  They said that the son would switch from the school in Northfield so he could be closer to the family who was setting up base for the campaign.  Normally, this wouldn’t be a big deal but the Wellstone kid was an awesome wrestler and where, out of all the schools in the Twin Cities did he choose?  Apple Valley.  If the Wellstone kid would have chosen any other school in Minnesota I believe in my hearts of hearts the Bison would have won the 2AA team championship.  While I don’t think winning the tournament would have catapulted any of us to sudden fame or riches, I know it would have meant a great deal to my dad.  Getting beat in the semi-finals didn’t ruin his life, not in the least.  (Especially now that he has grandkids- life’s true State Championship!) I do think, however,  it would have given him the satisfaction of knowing that all his years of hard work and dedication in the wrestling room had brought him the Holy Grail of high school wrestling.  Of course, his hard work and dedication has paid off. (And continues to pay off now that he’s a senior consultant for the Bison.)  When I think of all the wrestlers whose lives he was a part of, I know that they remember the lessons that he taught them. I know this because they tell me.  Everywhere I go people ask about my Dad, tell me their favorite Gerry Bakke story and end the conversation with, “send him my best.”  It is impossible to be around my Dad without being changed.  But… knowing that there is an empty spot in the trophy case.  Knowing every time you drive by the high school in Buffalo and see that sign that lists the state champions that the 1990 Wrestling team should be there.  It still hurts.

Internal.
When I was in high school I thought I was ugly.  I thought that everyone thought I was ugly and stupid.  I thought that no one would ever love me or want to be near me.  I was my own worst and harshest critic.  I look at pictures of myself back then and I wish that I could have seen myself through my eyes now.  I would see myself as beautiful.  I would see that I was surrounded by people who loved me and thought I was beautiful too.

So, what would it have changed?  I think I would have still have gone to Bethany and Gustavus.  I would have still become a social studies teacher and special education teacher.  If I would have believed in myself I would have been willing to open my heart to others.  I would have taken more risks and wouldn’t have constantly second guessed myself.  If I would have believed in myself, I think I would be married and have kids.

But, there is joy and worth in being the person who went through those trials and tribulations.  Just like I had cheerleaders rooting me on when I was in high school, I have become that person telling my students, both the girls and the boys that they are awesome.  I believe in them and they should believe in themselves.