Sue

#37 & #38 One week to live.

Leave a comment

#37 If you had one week to live.
In a very mild form, I have experienced having one week to live.  When I lived in Alaska, I would get to spend Christmas and summer vacation in Minnesota.  Believe me,  I fit a lot of living into those chunks of time.  That is not to say that living in Alaska was bad.  It was a totally awesome!  But, when you lived in a village above the Arctic Circle there were many things that you couldn’t do.  You couldn’t go to the mall, you couldn’t go to a movie theater, when you went to the grocery store there wasn’t an unlimited selection of the things you wanted.  You were surrounded by a gorgeous paradise but you couldn’t go through the McDonalds drive through and order a Coke.  (Seriously, there is something so pure, good and wonderful about a coke from McDonalds.)  Therefore, the week before I headed back to Alaska I had a set of things that I had to do.  I would see as many movies as I could.  When people would ask to spend time with me I would suggest we go to a movie.  I remember one Christmas break where I managed to see ten movies.  I would also try to hit a few of my favorite restaurants.   I would make sure to go to House of Lo and have the best Chinese food  in the world and to Brooks to have one of their amazing omelets.  I also went high brow.  My friends Shawn and Sue would go with me to a fancy restaurant.  One year, we went to Oceanaire to get seafood.  (This was before I developed my shellfish allergy.) I decided that I was going to go all out and order the Maine lobster.  By the end of the meal, I had managed to spend about $100 and left the restaurant feeling like I had gone out with a bang.  It was raining as we left the restaurant running to the parking garage.  As we were walking to the car, Shawn or Sue said something funny and I lifted my head howling with an open mouthed laugh.  Wouldn’t you know it that was the exact moment a bead of water dropped from the ceiling of the parking garage into my mouth!!!!  I remember screaming and wanting to throw up but….. I had just eaten $100 of seafood!  I couldn’t throw up.  I wanted to but I didn’t.  True Story.

Even though I’m experienced at living like there were no next week, if there truly wasn’t a next week there would be a temptation to run off to Hawaii or Australia.  But, I would want to surround myself with my family and my friends.  I’d want to sit around and talk and laugh.  I’d want to make one last drive down to the farm in Iowa where my mom grew up.  I’d want to climb up into the grain bin and look out on the pasture.  I’d want to lay in the bed in guest room underneath one of the quilts that was made by my Grandma.  I’d want to hold and hug and kiss my nephews and my niece.  I’d want to talk to my Godchildren about keeping their faith alive.  I’d want to sit and answer a thousand questions from my dad.  I wouldn’t even get annoyed.  I would be sad because I was leaving all these awesome people behind but I would be happy knowing that I was headed to the BEST place.

#38  The next blockbuster medicine that will be invented and what will happen as a result.
Doctor’s will develop a shot that will cure autism.  But, many people who do not believe in vaccines will be wary of taking the cure.  Activists will clamor that there is no need for an autism shot.  They will argue that people with autism don’t need to change to fit society’s norms. Some will argue that everyone should be mandated to take this treatment.  Politicians and doctors will debate over who should pay for this treatment and if we should pay for this treatment. Ann Coulter will say something terrible and offend most of the people.  Michael Moore will chime in and offend the people who weren’t offended by Ann Coulter. I will be offended by both of them. The Supreme Court will refuse to take the case.  Been there, done that.  People will read the Dr. Suess book “The Sneeches.”  They will have to decide where they stand on the plain-belly vs. star bellied argument.  People will argue and people will end up doing what they want to do.  Like always.

#31 & #32 “I am not incaccurate!”

Leave a comment

#31 Write a recipe for disaster.
A room full of Bakke children + a game of Trivial Pursuit.

We always have the best of intentions.  It will be fun.  It will give us a chance to do something that we all love. We are all very smart.  We are all very competitive.  And as the character David Bliss said in the play Hay Fever, “I am not inaccurate!”  Obviously, we are never wrong.

#32  Your friend calls to say she saw you in the back of a police car yesterday.  What happened?

Would you believe I was on a ride along?  O.K. even I wouldn’t believe that.  As with most of the crazy things that happen in my life, it started out with me trying to be nice.  I was walking up to the highway that runs through town to check my mailbox when a car swerved to the side of the road.  The person driving the car asked me where was the best place to get ice cream.  I told him to keep going west and that when he got outside of town the Drive In would be right on his left.  Suddenly, there was a cackle from the backseat, “Are the burgers as good as they are at Hardee’s?”  I looked down into the car and saw Sue. Not one of my many friends named Sue, but Sue the housekeeper/friend who shared a table with us at Nellie’s Cafe in Walnut Grove.  I told her that it was nice to see her again and turned to go back to my house but then she held up her hand and she was holding a gun!  She told me to get into the car and that I was going to go with them out to the drive in and rob the place because I had a friendly face.  I told her that everyone out there knew me so they wouldn’t fall for that.  But, THIS Sue was a daredevil and did what she wanted.  I asked them if I could drive separately (it was worth a shot!) and she pointed the gun at me again and told me to get into the car.  I did and we drove out to the Drive In.  Sue told me to go up to the window.  I did and when the girl asked for my order I told her that I wanted to order 200 coneys.  The girl didn’t believe me.  I said again that I wanted 200 coneys and to make them extra spicy.  I looked at the girl and told her to tell the cook that Bakke demanded 200 extra spicy coneys.  I started walking back to the get away car and Sue started yelling at me asking where the money was.  I told her that they were putting it into a bag and bringing it out to the car to make it look real.  The maniac housekeeper/friend seemed to be placated by this.  As I was getting into the car, a swarm of police cars sped into the parking lot.  They jumped up, handcuffed me and threw me into the back of one of the cars.  Sue and her driver were placed into another car.

As the chief got into the car I asked her how she knew that I was in trouble.  “Well, while Chanda wouldn’t put it past you to order 200 coneys, she knew that the only way you would order anything extra spicy was with a gun to your back.”