Editor’s note: This writing prompt (along with a whole lot of life) brought on a month long bout of writers block. When I was talking about the prompt with my sister Alyssa she suggested that some people in the world find some of the nicest people the worst. She gave me this idea.

# 52 Write a short story in which you are the villain.

There are people who like giving gifts and there are people who like receiving gifts. Then there are people like me who get no joy in giving gifts and feel like they have contracted ebola, avian flu, and mad cow disease when they receive gifts. I hate getting gifts because I immediately feel like I owe this person. I’m not just talking about when your friend give you a fifty dollar sweater when you made them a birthday card by crossing out Merry Christmas on an unused Christmas card. I’m talking about the niceties of someone holding the door open for me. That’s right, I hate it when someone holds the door open for me because I suddenly feel that I need to follow them around all day and hold the door open for them. I try to time entering and leaving buildings so I am not near any people so there is no temptation to go down that niceness spiral. My wife says that this line of thinking would make villains out of do-gooders. I couldn’t agree more! My sister-in-law Heather Bakke is the greatest super-villain in the world. I made the mistake of letting it slip that I liked penguins. Every time she sees a penguin she thinks of me. “Oh, I saw this article on penguins I thought I’d send it to you.” Great, now I have to send her an article on squirrels. That’s what I could do but I don’t because I can’t stand having to send gifts. Why can’t I just be left alone? If I want to find an article on penguins I’ll look it up myself. How would she like it if people started sending her tons of squirrel stuff constantly? I suppose it would make her day. What a sick freak! She lives to find stuff to brighten peoples day. “Oh, in 1999 you mentioned that you like lemons. Here is a stick of lemon flavored gum that I ordered on eBay.” Heaven help the friend of hers that finds themselves in some obscure outpost of the world. “Oh, I heard that your job sent you to Mongolia. I’ve heard that HP sauce is the perfect compliment to yak meat, here are a few bottles to share with your new tribe! Also, I thought you might miss listening to the radio so I taped a few hours of Kool 108. Enjoy!” That is how evil she is. Move to the other side of the planet and you still can’t escape her. Her students must hate her. Ugh…. Heather Bakke is the WORST!!!